The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
We have so much sex to catch up on
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
