Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize
