dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
Randomize
