i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
jump out the window naked night went bad
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