____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
OPIZZABONMYDICK
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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