Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
Randomize
