get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
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