At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Never joke about your clitoris.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
