Can i not drive my cunt home
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
