True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
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