guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
