i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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