he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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