There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
BRING THE BAGELS
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
