I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
Randomize
