pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
Houston, we have a squirter
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
