you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Randomize