Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
You dont lie about slip and slides
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
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