I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Randomize
