Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
The uberlube is also flammable
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
Randomize
