Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
50% drunk capacity currently
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
Randomize
