I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
i need to put some appletini on your dick
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
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