What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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