i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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