I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Randomize
