Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Randomize
