Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
