I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Randomize
