His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
I think scott just propositioned me for sex
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
Randomize
