My nipple is on Facebook.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
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