Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
