Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
you traded sex for a burrito?
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
