some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
Randomize
