I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
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