I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Randomize