I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
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