She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
Randomize