I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
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