After last night, I could never be a politician.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
Randomize
