i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
Randomize
