Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
True but thats because hes a fetus.
You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
i think we sleep fucked last night...
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize