I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
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