im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
