Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
