and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
Randomize
