Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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