I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
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