i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
Randomize
