I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
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