angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
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