Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
Success! We fucked roommates!
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
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