I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
