dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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