Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Randomize
