im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
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