hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Randomize
