kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
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