Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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