A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
I'm both gender and math confused
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Randomize
