My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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