It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Randomize
