Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Randomize
