toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
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