either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
