did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
