Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
Randomize
