So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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