My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Randomize
