my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
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