Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
I seem to have left my pride at pride
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
