My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Randomize
