THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
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