yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
fix you gags fore go to garrits please? !!!!!!!
What does that mean?
How when the cu k dos I yet u
Focus
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
