you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
