Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
Randomize
